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How to Save a Relationship: What Will and Won’t Work to Fix Your Relationship Problems


If you and your guy have been having problems for a while, saving your relationship is still possible, but it won’t be easy. If your issues run deep, they probably can’t be cured by an expensive vacation, new home, or wedding. Those are what I call “Band-Aid” approaches, and they simply don’t work for the long term. What will work, however, is the two of you nurturing the relationship together, being honest about your feelings, and working toward a solution.

Remember that fixing your problems won’t happen overnight, but if you work at improving your relationship a little bit each day, you’ll have a shot at happily ever after.

If you’re ready to put the work in, here’s how to save a relationship:

Step #1: Get real about your relationship problems.

Do you trick yourself into believing that your relationship would improve if only you could schedule date night more often, or if he could take time off to go on a two-week vacation? The truth is if you and your partner are having serious problems and can’t get along, going out to dinner isn’t going to fix what’s broken. If you want to move forward, you must admit that, and be willing to dig deeper.

Step #2: Look for the root cause of your issues.

Your next step is to get clear on exactly what’s missing from your relationship. For example, do you feel disconnected or unloved by your man? Do you crave deeper communication? Do you need to feel more important? Are there signs of infidelity? Once you’re in touch with the deep issues in your relationship, figure out what you need him to do differently. For example, do you need him to put the cell phone down and talk to you a little bit each day? Do you need him to tell you he loves you more often? Figure out what you need, and prepare to ask for it.

Step #3: Talk to your man about the relationship.

Spend some time talking to your guy about what you’re missing from the relationship, and ask him to help you come up with a solution. For example, you may say something like, “Babe, I’m feeling a little ignored lately. I know it’s not your intention and I know you love me, but I can’t shake this feeling. I think I might need us to talk more without any distractions like the TV or our cell phones. What do you think?”

It won’t happen overnight but when you take these steps, it’s worth it to save your relationship.

All my best,
Heather Baker

p.s. Don’t want to split up?  Here Are the top 10 reasons relationships fizzle and how to recognize your relationship’s weak points.

This post has been featured on YourTango …


About the Author

Heather BakerHeather Baker is a Relationship Coach, certified from the prestigious, world-class Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). She specializes in saving relationships from a break up or divorce. In addition to being a relationship coach, Heather’s a devout student and teacher of yogic and Buddhist philosophy. Heather lives in San Francisco, California with her fiancée and their two rescue pups, Miso and Minka.View all posts by Heather Baker →

1 Comment

  1. Edna Southard
    Edna Southard08-21-2013

    You really have a very good article here regarding how to save a relationship. Your advises and tips here are very in the discussion of real things that could in real life for couples. Yes, this will surely help me as my guide in how to save a relationship when time comes when I will be marrying someone someday. I know through this blog there are lots should I learned and keep on learning. Thanks and keep on sharing this one to us!

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