advice blog posts

How to Fix Your “Iron Fist” Relationship


In the Iron Fist Relationship, the woman is a control freak perfectionist who wants things done just so. She wears the pants, makes the plans, and runs a tight ship, and her guy is usually a sweet, mild-mannered gentleman who is desperate to make her happy.

If this sounds like your relationship, then you’re probably feeling pretty fed up with your guy right about now. You may be upset because he’s not acting like the man in the relationship, but the truth is you’ve never given him any space to step up and take the initiative. Instead you swoop in and “handle” things, because you really do know best.

Don’t Worry – It’s Fixable!

If you’re in this type of relationship and it’s not making you happy, don’t worry – it’s totally fixable! The first step to reclaiming balance and getting your guy to be a Man with a capital “M” is to let go of the idea that things can be done a right way and a wrong way, and instead start to live in the gray area. I know this can be tough for my perfectionists out there, but you really have to detach from the outcome and just enjoy the moment.

For example, if your guy makes reservations and it’s not your favorite restaurant or the nicest place, do not berate or judge him! Don’t make little comments or nitpick or explain why another place would have been better. PLEASE! Instead, just enjoy the fact that he made the effort and that’s what you wanted! Start to appreciate his ideas as being just as good as yours, and even if he makes decisions that aren’t exactly what you would choose, that’s okay.

Encourage Him by Focusing on What He Did Right

Also, encourage him whenever he steps up. For example, if you usually do the grocery shopping because when he goes alone he has no idea what to buy, change it up. Ask him to go to the store for you and say, “I trust you babe. I know you’ll get some delicious stuff.” If he totally messes up, don’t even mention it! Instead, focus on what he did right, like remembering to get your kale.

After just a few weeks of doing this, I guarantee you’ll see your guy feeling more confident that he can make you happy, instead of always letting you down. That confidence will inspire him to step up and do more of the planning in a manly way – which is ultimately what you want.

All my best,
Heather Baker

p.s.  Did you get your free coaching video series yet?  Turn your guy back into the man you fell in love with!



About the Author

Heather BakerHeather Baker is a Relationship Coach, certified from the prestigious, world-class Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). She specializes in saving relationships from a break up or divorce. In addition to being a relationship coach, Heather’s a devout student and teacher of yogic and Buddhist philosophy. Heather lives in San Francisco, California with her fiancée and their two rescue pups, Miso and Minka.View all posts by Heather Baker →


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